Well here we go again

It's been 24 hrs since I found out that our precious baby's heart has stopped beating. I have been going through a gamet of emotions. Sadness, not understanding, understanding. I have had a feeling for the last couple weeks that our baby was gone so I was somewhat prepared but to actually be sitting here knowing that it is, well thats an entirely different thing. I have never had a second trimester loss and am at a loss as to why now? I know this is going to be a long wait until I get pregnant again and of course a long pregnancy as I can't imagine how difficult the subsequent pregnancy will be between worrying about whether this will happen again or simply worrying that I will not get pregnant again. As many of my dear friends have struggled I also struggle now with allowing the next pregnancy to be the last. I don't think I can do this again. I do know though that I can't end it here not with this late loss. I was so excited about this baby and was looking forward to having a new baby in the house. I can't imagine closing our family this way. I think I will use this blog still as a starting over point. Updating what the plan is, what the dr says, what my heart says and go from there. Thank you for your continued thoughts and support as we deal with this very difficult loss.