MELTDOWN

So today was going shockingly well. I didn't have one total breakdown until this evening. Yesterday while at the hospital I mentioned how fearful I was of my milk coming in. Craig and my mom started joking about it and I was very hurt by what they said. Today I started to think about how much it bothered me and that I really should say something about it to Craig instead of letting it build. I tried and I tried but couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth. We went out to get a couple more prescriptions(feeling like a druggy) and grabbed dinner on the way home I kept thinking I should say something, then we were on the main road back to our house and we passed where we almost hit the deers a couple months back and then my mind went to how much easier it would be if I hit deer now and died. Of course I realized it wouldnt be for the kids and my family but then I wouldnt have to deal with all of this pain and I would be at peace instead of living with all of this and I wouldnt have to go through all of this grief. Now I know how irrational it is but for a second it was a peaceful solution.