Friday and the 12 wk mark

So it's Friday and tomorrow is the 12 wk milestone. WOW I am so excited to be there but the nerves are still there as I get closer to the point that we lost Hope. All I can say is thank goodness for the bi-weekly u/s's or I don't know how I would get through without hyperventilating! I started to have a mini freak out last weekend but was again able to calm myself down and feel better on the flip side of it. I just can't wait till Monday to see baby again. I think I need to back off reading the loss posts, even though I feel sure that this baby is coming home from us it always throws my brain in to the what if mode, even if its only for five minutes it's still five minutes of total freaking out that I really don't need to do to myself. I was so uptight and worried all the time with Hope, subconsciously knowing something was going to happen that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy much. With this sweet baby I am so excited and living in anticipation of each milestone and passing month that we get closer to bringing this baby home, I can't wait! With our sweet little Hope I convinced myself of the excitment but it was obviously never there, I had a terrible time even really looking at baby stuff for her, I did it because I thought it was what I should do, not because I knew I would need it. What a different pregnancy this one is! I am just praying today as I do every day that all goes well and we are blessed with a healthy baby in July! I can't wait to share the news next week that we are indeed waiting for a new blessing.