6 dpo

How do we survive all of this waiting seriously? It is such a battle trying to conceive but one that many of us wage in hopes of being blessed. So 8 more days until AF should be here and 6 more till I can technically test. I am not sure if I will test early this month I say this and always seem to cave but who knows this has been such a rollercoaster month. Working helps but I have to tell you I am getting a little blah with that too. I have so much to do at home that work feels like its interfering and of course to some extent well it is. Praying that it's this month otherwise going to my niece Amanda's wedding starts to get called in to question and not sure if we will be able too, because getting pregnant anytime in the next three months Dec, Jan and Feb kinda nixes the Alaska trip but we won't wait either we both just want to be pg and blessed again.

Letter to Hope- 3 months now

Dear Hope,
Its so hard to believe its been three months since we found out that God called you home and you were gone. Sometimes it feels like an eternity and other days it feels like it was yesterday. I miss you so much my sweet baby girl. You looked like your sisters and I was so excited to see what you would look like. I am sure you would have had dark hair and hazel eyes like Jacob and Evan and well of course your daddy. I couldn't wait to have you here with us and to watch you grow. Instead we mourn your loss. I know that God is taking such good care of you and loving you while I can't. I know he chose me to mother you and I was your perfect mother even if it was for a short time. I am thankful that you grew in me sweet baby girl and you will never be forgotten. Always in my heart, now and forever always.

Love mommy

I believe in miracles

It has been all I have thought today. Our God is an awesome God and there is no question of his power. After my discouragement last night I decided to take an OPK anyhow call it habit, well much to my shock ok not really because the u/s results weren't totally making sense, anyhow I got a :) I was so excited!!!!! Then I got a postive on the clearplan monitor today. I knew it!!!!! I am actually ovulating and on day 14-15 earlier than last month!!!! I do believe in miracles, I do, I do! Here I was told not to hold my breath about ovulating today or tomorrow and look what is happening! I am just in awe, I had been having symptoms of ovulation but thought surely they are right after all they can SEE what is going on. Well apparently not everything because God is definitely in this! Feeling so blessed and praying that this is yet another sign that this might be the month for us to be blessed again. God our father thank you so much for your blessings and steadfast love. AMEN:)

What to say

I guess I should start with I feel so tested right now. I had a "bad" appointment today and according to u/s results I am still some time away from ovulating. Now honestly this is not abnormal for me per se its only day 13 and I often ovulate as late as days 19-21 on clomid but I was really hopeful since I responded so well when I got pregnant with Hope. I was so hopeful that it would be a nice response but again I know that it isn't abnormal but I am still sad. I so desperately want to be pregnant again and bring home a baby. Every day that passes the clock ticks closer to when she would have come home live with us. My heart is heavy and I am trying so hard to cast it off on God but the devil keeps getting in the way. Pray dear friends pray. Pray that things move swiftly and it's not a lost cycle, pray that we do conceive as soon as possible and pray most of all for peace of heart for me. The pain will never go away but it does ease slowly. I am missing her so much today as I go through this when I should be pregnant.

One more person

If one more person tells me guess what I am pregnant I am going to scream. I swear I have been through this before when ttc but obviously not like this and its just not the easiest thing to go through. Of course I am happy for them because I view every baby as a blessing but seriously??? I am trying so hard to take a breath with it all and know God has his perfect timing but sometimes it just well SUCKS!!! Follicle check on Thursday no clue what that will bring. I have a feeling we will be upping the clomid next month I am not responding as well I should be and that is frustrating. Though I have to say my wonderful husband is still a rock and I am so blessed to have him right now, he is my greatest cheerleader and I am so thankful for him